Taking Issue with the Tissue
"I know you bears like the 2-ply Charmin, but we pigs prefer 4-ply MopUps."
Those bears can have that new, chintzy toilet paper!
By AUDREY YEAGER-MOORE
There are many seemingly inconsequential things in life that remain that Way trivial and of absolutely no interest. That is how most of us view bathroom tissue, but should we be taking a closer look at a product with one of the largest markets in the world?
I, for one, am not pleased with the manufacturers of this necessary bathroom item, and I will tell you why.
Over the last few years some of us have noticed the difference in the packaging of the paper rolls in question. Almost imperceptibly the thickness of the product has dwindled from more than adequate to a one-ply nightmare with the similarities of a moth's wing. It now takes reams of this personal tissue, or, PT to equal what was a simple exercise once taken for granted.
Does the manufacturer gain from this not-so-subtle ploy? Or, the blatant subterfuge of enlarging the inner cardboard rolls to make it appear as if it held three times as much? I suppose they must or it wouldnt be happening. No doubt there are plenty of Americans who couldnt care less about the cost of the stuff. Like so many other negative happenings we simply accept what is handed to us, consider the alternative of employing leaves and such, and pay the price.
Stubborn Irishwoman that I am, I resent what smells like trickery in the marketplace.
The advertisers of said product are spending millions to point us to the favored rolls of their individual PT retailers. One company has a TV spot showing us a couple of cartoon bears skipping merrily in the forest where they proceed to a certain tree. There hangs a convenient roll of tissue whereby they may undertake their business.
It is about as blatant as possible without having a couple of humans in the place of the bears.
Of course, the roll shown is a huge fluffy thing you will never see in real life. This is, virtual stuff, People. What you get in actuality will disappear within two days or less, depending on the gender of those living in your house.
Since childhood I have heard the warnings of visiting the woods on any given day because this is the day the teddy bears have their picnic. The cartoon bears in the commercial are not lunching on hot dogs and potato chips. Nobody has to guess what goes on behind the tree where the PT hangs within easy reach of the hairy arms. We could hope it wasnt quite so suggestive. The pictures it conjures up are not pleasant. At one time this nation was a bit more fastidious.
Not so long ago many of us would have been offended at such images, but now they are only the lesser of more than a few evils; and if you are wondering why I bother to speak out on such a trivial matter, Im still looking for a life.
©2008 by Audrey Yeager-Moore. The caricature of Audrey Yeager-Moore is ©2001 by Jim Hummel. The illustration is from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA. This column first posted March 24, 2008.
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