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WATCH YOUR COATTAILS! |
ON FOX THIS FALL!  Human-devouring, Jet-propelled Public Toilet Model AB17 |
Outhouses were primitive,
but seldom swallowed you
of TheColumnists.com
There is a menace in the newer public restrooms. Areas that were once considered safe must now be approached with caution. If you have ever left such a place with fewer personal belongings than you had when you entered, you will know what I mean.
It’s the new cutting edge “flusher.” This technological wonder has the power of a rocket launcher and the suddenness of a streak of lightning. I had no idea what was coming with my first experience. The thing went off with such a blast I was taken completely unaware. All I could do was grip my purse with all the strength I had. Surely such a mighty unleashed power would vacuum everything in the cubicle into its yawning porcelain mouth, including the bug-eyed woman plastered against the inner door clutching her handbag.
I can’t help wondering how many miscellaneous articles have found themselves too close to this modern wonder and summarily were sucked to the depths of the nearest sewer. Personally, I would never bring any child in my care anywhere near these receptacles.
Over time I have become a little more relaxed when faced with the necessity of visiting these places, but I do use great precaution, waiting until just before walking out the door to flush. Even then, I lean far over and step back quickly. For those of you with long hair, I suggest using an older restroom.
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I'll have you out of there in no time!" |
The outhouses of yesteryear had their drawbacks as well. It wasn’t only that you had to walk a ways to get there; a supply of paper was a constant worry. There were only so many Sears catalogues to be had.
While these old-time answers to woodsy hideaways left a whole lot of improvements just waiting to happen, I never heard of anyone getting sucked through the “resting places.”
Do men have any personal
problem with the new power receptacles? I don’t know and
I would be too embarrassed to ask. But so far as I know none
of my male acquaintances have disappeared. Wait a minute, Art
B. hasn’t had his hair piece on the last couple of times
I’ve seen him.
©2003 by Audrey Yeager. The caricature of Audrey Yeager
is ©2001 by Jim Hummel.
The illustrations are from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895
Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA.
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