WHEN USING PUBLIC TOILETS
WATCH YOUR COATTAILS!
WATCH "WHEN TOILETS ATTACK"
ON FOX THIS FALL!
Public Toilet Model AB17
Outhouses were primitive,
but seldom swallowed you
By AUDREY YEAGER
There is a menace in the newer public restrooms. Areas that were once considered safe must now be approached with caution. If you have ever left such a place with fewer personal belongings than you had when you entered, you will know what I mean.
Its the new cutting edge flusher. This technological wonder has the power of a rocket launcher and the suddenness of a streak of lightning. I had no idea what was coming with my first experience. The thing went off with such a blast I was taken completely unaware. All I could do was grip my purse with all the strength I had. Surely such a mighty unleashed power would vacuum everything in the cubicle into its yawning porcelain mouth, including the bug-eyed woman plastered against the inner door clutching her handbag.
I cant help wondering how many miscellaneous articles have found themselves too close to this modern wonder and summarily were sucked to the depths of the nearest sewer. Personally, I would never bring any child in my care anywhere near these receptacles.
Over time I have become a little more relaxed when faced with the necessity of visiting these places, but I do use great precaution, waiting until just before walking out the door to flush. Even then, I lean far over and step back quickly. For those of you with long hair, I suggest using an older restroom.
"Just grab onto the stick, Miss Audrey.
I'll have you out of there in no time!"
The outhouses of yesteryear had their drawbacks as well. It wasnt only that you had to walk a ways to get there; a supply of paper was a constant worry. There were only so many Sears catalogues to be had.
While these old-time answers to woodsy hideaways left a whole lot of improvements just waiting to happen, I never heard of anyone getting sucked through the resting places.
Do men have any personal problem with the new power receptacles? I dont know and I would be too embarrassed to ask. But so far as I know none of my male acquaintances have disappeared. Wait a minute, Art B. hasnt had his hair piece on the last couple of times Ive seen him.
©2003 by Audrey Yeager. The caricature of Audrey Yeager is ©2001 by Jim Hummel.
The illustrations are from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA.
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