WAITING FOR OBAMA
"Hey, you guys, remember there's only one president at a time--and I'm
still the one with the presidential seal. Oh, I'm glad I thought of that.
Laura, be sure and pack all them presidential seals. I don't want them
Obama girls getting hold of them and pardoning any hooky-playing kids
at their private school!"
Wow! This transition deal
can be a real test of a guy!
By GERALD NACHMAN
Geeze, is it only 10:15? Still got a couple hours to kill until lunch with the Pakistani prime minister. Maybe I could pardon a few more dudes. This pardoning deal is kind of a kick--even more fun than pardoning turkeys. Makes me feel a little better about everything else thats going haywire right now. I havent read the paper today but its sure to be a real downer. Just my luck--the minute Iraq starts quieting down so I can make it out of town, the doggone economy suddenly goes berserk. Its always some darn thing. I havent been able to catch a break around here since 9/11. Those were the days!
Maybe I could schedule another meeting with Obama. That always boosts my rating a little and makes it look like Im still president. Sometimes it seems January 20th will never get here. I really love all this transition stuff. OK, maybe I wasnt another Lincoln, but they cant say I dont know how to welcome a new president. Barack seems a decent enough guy, but hes getting more good press now than necessary just because he seems on top of things. He keeps saying theres only one president at a time. I wonder who the other one is! (Cheney told me that one yesterday. Dick can be a real card sometimes.)
Much as I like Barack, does he have to hold a damn press conference every other day to let everybody know what hes doing? Sometimes I get a funny feeling hes just trying to show me up. Maybe I could hold my own press conference--hey, theres an idea. I was sort of planning not to have another one before I left office, but at least it helps pass the time and reminds people Im still around here and sort of in charge .
OK, its almost 11. Maybe Ill mosey on down to the kitchen and see whats for lunch. The chef always gets a kick out of seeing me, and it shows I can be a hands-on president when I want to be. Hmm, lets see whos coming for lunch--oh, God, another Middle Eastern head of state! I thought I told Condi to knock off the state dinners and lunches for the duration. Enough with the world leaders already! Wait till Wonder Boy Barack tries to make small talk with Angela Merkel and that goof ball Sarkozy.
It should be getting near time to light the ol White House Christmas tree. That should kill an afternoon. And if I do say so myself, Im pretty good at it by now. Historians will have to agree Im my best with the ceremonial stuff--greeting Olympic swimmers and the Easter egg hunts. I dont think Ive been sufficiently praised for that .
OK, its 11:30. Maybe Ill give my transition guy a call and see if they need any help rounding up more cardboard boxes. Its probably a little early to start emptying out my desk. Gotta remember to take the stapler, fancy paper clips and plenty of that really cool embossed White House stationery. Before I forget, I best check the calendar to see what they have me down for this week. Gosh, nothing much until next Tuesday, when Obamas economic advisers promised to come by to say hello. Thatll be fun.
I keep wondering whats up with those three Detroit guys. I read they plan to come back to town for another gazillion-dollar appeal. What a bunch of losers! They almost make me look good. Even though I secretly enjoyed watching them squirm before Congress, I still cant quite make up my mind whether to bail out the car industry. It might look sort of bad if they all went down the tubes. I suppose that wouldnt help my legacy either. We probably still need Detroit, if only for old times sake. It was bad enough to almost lose New Orleans .
Well, its almost noon. Finally! Im not real hungry but I gotta find something to do to keep occupied, and it would be pretty rude to stiff the prime minister of Pakistan. Wonder what the heck he wants. Oh, I know what I can do after lunch today: sign a few hundred White House Christmas cards and give the auto-signature machine a rest. Ill bet the folks will get a big kick out of getting a hand-written holiday greeting from the prez. After that, maybe Ill take a nap and watch a little TV. That OReilly guy still kills me!
Only 44 more days till Im outta here.
©2008 by Gerald Nachman. The cartoon is from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA. This column first posted Dec. 8, 2008.
TO ACCESS GERALD NACHMAN'S ARCHIVE OF COLUMNS ON THIS SITE, CLICK HERE: NACHMAN ARCHIVE.
You can comment on this column online. Please address your message to either "The Editors" or Gerald Nachman. To send an email, click here and don't forget to mention Gerald's name: firstname.lastname@example.org
HOME About Us Index To
Talkback Contact Us