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Wow! This transition deal
can be a real test of a guy!
of TheColumnists.com
Geeze, is it only 10:15?
Still got a couple hours to kill until lunch with the Pakistani
prime minister. Maybe I could pardon a few more dudes. This pardoning
deal is kind of a kick--even more fun than pardoning turkeys.
Makes me feel a little better about everything else that’s
going haywire right now. I haven’t read the paper today
but it’s sure to be a real downer. Just my luck--the minute
Iraq starts quieting down so I can make it out of town, the doggone
economy suddenly goes berserk. It’s always some darn thing.
I haven’t been able to catch a break around here since 9/11.
Those were the days!
Maybe I could schedule another meeting with Obama. That always
boosts my rating a little and makes it look like I’m still
president. Sometimes it seems January 20th will never get here.
I really love all this transition stuff. OK, maybe I wasn’t
another Lincoln, but they can’t say I don’t know how
to welcome a new president. Barack seems a decent enough guy,
but he’s getting more good press now than necessary just
because he seems on top of things. He keeps saying there’s
only one president at a time. I wonder who the other one is!
(Cheney told me that one yesterday. Dick can be a real card sometimes.)
Much as I like Barack, does he have to hold a damn press conference
every other day to let everybody know what he’s doing? Sometimes
I get a funny feeling he’s just trying to show me up. Maybe
I could hold my own press conference--hey, there’s an idea.
I was sort of planning not to have another one before I left
office, but at least it helps pass the time and reminds people
I’m still around here and sort of in charge….
OK, it’s almost 11. Maybe I’ll mosey on down to the
kitchen and see what’s for lunch. The chef always gets a
kick out of seeing me, and it shows I can be a hands-on president
when I want to be. Hmm, let’s see who’s coming for
lunch--oh, God, another Middle Eastern head of state! I thought
I told Condi to knock off the state dinners and lunches for the
duration. Enough with the world leaders already! Wait till Wonder
Boy Barack tries to make small talk with Angela Merkel and that
goof ball Sarkozy.
It should be getting near time to light the ol’ White House
Christmas tree. That should kill an afternoon. And if I do say
so myself, I’m pretty good at it by now. Historians will
have to agree I’m my best with the ceremonial stuff--greeting
Olympic swimmers and the Easter egg hunts. I don’t think
I’ve been sufficiently praised for that….
OK, it’s 11:30. Maybe I’ll give my transition guy a
call and see if they need any help rounding up more cardboard
boxes. It’s probably a little early to start emptying out
my desk. Gotta remember to take the stapler, fancy paper clips
and plenty of that really cool embossed White House stationery.
Before I forget, I best check the calendar to see what they have
me down for this week. Gosh, nothing much until next Tuesday,
when Obama’s economic advisers promised to come by to say
hello. That’ll be fun.
I keep wondering what’s up with those three Detroit guys.
I read they plan to come back to town for another gazillion-dollar
appeal. What a bunch of losers! They almost make me look good.
Even though I secretly enjoyed watching them squirm before Congress,
I still can’t quite make up my mind whether to bail out
the car industry. It might look sort of bad if they all went
down the tubes. I suppose that wouldn’t help my legacy either.
We probably still need Detroit, if only for old time’s sake.
It was bad enough to almost lose New Orleans….
Well, it’s almost noon. Finally! I’m not real hungry
but I gotta find something to do to keep occupied, and it would
be pretty rude to stiff the prime minister of Pakistan. Wonder
what the heck he wants. Oh, I know what I can do after lunch
today: sign a few hundred White House Christmas cards and give
the auto-signature machine a rest. I’ll bet the folks will
get a big kick out of getting a hand-written holiday greeting
from the prez. After that, maybe I’ll take a nap and watch
a little TV. That O’Reilly guy still kills me!
Only 44 more days till I’m outta here.
©2008 by Gerald Nachman. The cartoon is from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA. This column first posted Dec. 8, 2008.
TO ACCESS GERALD NACHMAN'S ARCHIVE OF COLUMNS ON THIS SITE, CLICK HERE: NACHMAN ARCHIVE.
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