 "Dang blast it! Now I have to hotfoot it down to the freakin' license bureau before noon!" |
Don't Let the Stars Get in Your Eyes (unless you're licensed) |
Protect the public NOW!
License all astrologers!
By CHUCK McFADDEN
of TheColumnists.com
YOU CAN SLEEP SAFELY tonight if you are in Columbus, Ohio. You are protected against bad astrology.
The Columbus City Council has decided that, in their town, you have to have a license to practice astrology. That’s right. Astrology. You have to have a license.
“I think it’s a good idea to make sure people know what they’re doing,” said one Columbus-licensed astrologer.
Know what they’re doing. Astrologers.
There is a test you have to pass if you wish to be a licensed astrologer in Columbus. It has 20 true or false questions, said the news report. You have to get at least 16 of them correct to become a licensed astrologer.
No word in the reports on what’s true and what’s not true in astrology. Perhaps the reporters didn’t want to give the answers away to astrologers unable to divine them on their own.
Anyone found guilty of practicing astrology without a license in Columbus could be fined $500 and even sent to jail.
“What’re you in for?”
“Practicing astrology without a license.”
One shudders to think of the public harm that could result from the predictions of unlicensed astrologers as opposed to the predictions of licensed astrologers. Would Virgos get mixed up with Scorpios? Would the House of Uranus get confused by the unknowledgeable with the House of Venus?
Well, you can see what might happen.
What I don’t understand
is why the Columbus city fathers don’t take this to the
next logical step, and license fortune tellers. If astrologers
should be licensed, shouldn’t fortune tellers be licensed?
Would you want to consult an unlicensed fortune teller about
your love life? One who didn’t get at least 16 of 20 true-false
questions correct on the City of Columbus Fortune Teller Licensing
Test?
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struggles to get a high score in the city's tough licensing test for astrologers. |
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Come to think of it, any fortune teller worth his or her salt would know all the answers ‘way before test time. I’d make it one wrong answer, and turn in your crystal ball. No license for you.
Same thing for palm readers. You must have someone who’s qualified, otherwise, willy-nilly, you’d have just anyone hanging out a shingle, grabbing hands and saying they were palm readers. What then?
Smart-alecks, of course, are already speculating about the possible outfall from the Columbus astrology-licensing law.
If there is a wave of unlicensed astrology-practicing in Columbus, would the police send in undercover agents to unearth illicit astrologers? Would they conduct raids, breaking down doors and brandishing guns? Would district attorneys seek newspaper headlines by announcing crackdowns on astrologers who don’t have licenses?
I myself wonder if the Columbus city fathers have turned their attention to the quality of snake oil purveyed within the city limits. Is it pure? Just how oily is it? What kind of snakes are involved in its manufacture?
You can’t be too careful in protecting the public against phoniness.
© 2001 by Charles M. McFadden. The illustrations are from IMSI's Master/Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd. East, San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA.
You can comment
on this column or contact Chuck McFadden with an email to: talkback@thecolumnists.com
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