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Engelhardt |
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Her latest role: Helping new doctors up close
of TheColumnists.com
I had a stroke two months ago. It was really scary. When I woke up in the morning, the upper right side of my body felt funny and weak. I got up and looked in the mirror. When I saw that the right side of my face was drooping I cried out, “Oh my God!” and ran to the phone to dial 911. I started to tell the operator what was wrong, but the words wouldn’t come out of my mouth very well. I stumbled through and finally got out, “I think I’ve had a stroke.”
It took about 15 minutes for the ambulance to arrive to take me to the hospital. I stayed there for three days while the doctors did a lot of tests and poked and prodded my body all over. Two of my children flew out to be with me in the hospital, and they stayed with me for a few days after I was discharged. They took me to my physical therapy appointments, and when I felt I could get along on my own, I told them they needed to go back to their own families and their busy lives.
Over the next few weeks my face got better, and I think I can talk all right now, but my right hand is still very weak. Today I have a follow-up appointment at the medical clinic and I hope the doctor will be able to help my hand gain back its strength.
Because I haven’t been able to do very much since the stroke--I can’t play bridge any more, my handwriting is almost illegible, and it’s really hard for me to try to button my clothing or even pull up a zipper--I’ve been feeling more and more down. I just don’t seem to have any interest in much anymore. I’m not interested in food, or taking walks like I used to, and I don’t want anyone to come over to visit me because I don’t want them to see me looking like an invalid.
I guess I’ve even thought about hurting myself. I’m now taking pills for high blood pressure and high cholesterol, so sometimes I’ve thought that I could just take a lot of my pills and be done with it. I mean…..I don’t have an actual plan or anything. I’ve thought about it, but I’ve always been able to talk myself out of it.
Well that’s pretty darned depressing, isn’t it?
Actually, nothing that I wrote above has happened to me, but I’ve been “acting” all of that out almost daily for the last few weeks. I have to tell you that once you start thinking about yourself in those terms for hours on end, you actually DO get kind of depressed.
Why, you might ask, would anyone want to
pretend she's had a stroke and is depressed? Some day you’ll
probably thank me for doing it because our future doctors get
to practice on people like me while they’re still in medical
school rather than on you when (and if) they graduate
and become MDs.
You see, in recent years many medical schools recognized the
importance of teaching their students that healing the emotional
side of their patients is as important (if not more so) as healing
their physical ailments. That’s when they began hiring
actors to be “patients” to give med students the opportunity
to practice their skills in semi-realistic scenarios.
Sure, I get paid for being a patient, but I also find it rewarding--sometimes exhilarating-- when a young doctor-to-be nails my complex diagnoses and offers me the right kinds of treatment.
One of the students I had last week was a quite-lovely young woman who sauntered in with a brilliant smile and enchanted me with her friendly greeting. Dumb-ox that I am, I sized her up as a blonde bimbo who would fail this patient visit miserably.
She probably was one of the most promising med students I evaluated! (Why-oh-why don’t I remember that maxim “Don’t judge a book by its cover”??) I gave her outstanding marks--and would be delighted to find her reviewing my medical record any day.
Frankly, I think it’s plumb wonderful that medical schools have recognized the invaluable benefit of making their students far more well rounded than just being a whiz at medical terminology with the ability to diagnose illnesses. How many of you have had to switch doctors due to changing your medical plans? Or your physician retired, you moved to a new city, or a new company? Probably just about everyone. And: How many of you ended up with a doctor who was obviously lacking in the areas of human interaction, basic communication skills, empathy, compassion--all of the above?
I know I have. So if I can do one little thing to help make more of those medical robots into the kind of doctor I’d like to have (and I know you’d like to have, too), then I consider that a special thing indeed. It wasn’t always easy to have just the right kind of countenance--not so sad that the student immediately knows I have far more on my mind than weakness in my hand, and not so perky that the doc-in-training works out some physical therapy for me and sends me on my way.
After playing this role all day, there
were times I came home feeling pretty down.
Especially when I had several students in a row who I wouldn’t
wish on any sick patient. But I get to give feedback--both online
and in person--so each student learns what he or she did right--or
didn’t do at all.
Since I finished this role less than two
weeks before Christmas, I have to say that the rewarding part
of all this is seeing a student’s eager face absorbing my
every word - both the good and the bad. I’ll never forget
one doctor who walked back in the room hitting himself on the
head and saying “Bad doctor, bad!” I looked at him
quizzically, and he explained, “I can’t believe I didn’t
ask you if you had ever considered suicide!” I really didn’t
have to beat up on him; he was doing an excellent job of it himself.
Sometimes a student listened unflinchingly as I explained how
I felt as a patient - even when most of what I said was negative.
And quite often the response was: “I really appreciate getting
that feedback. Thank you.”
If those few simple words were the only Christmas gift l get this year, I’d consider myself very blessed indeed.
©2006 by Joanne Engelhardt. The illustration is from IMSI'S Master Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA. This column first posted Jan. 1, 2006.
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Joanne Engelhardt is an experienced stage actor in San Francisco Bay Area theater productions.. |
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