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HAVE COME TO BILL GATES
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Daunting task: Write A
Personals Ad for Gates!
of TheColumnists.com
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Our columnist Patricia J. Geister used to earn her living writing romantic personals ads for clients who needed her skills to get their message across. This is an example of one of her most unusual assignments. |
The late Emmet Watson was both a newspaper columnist and an icon to Seattle's citizens. Whenever he called me for information, or an addition to his edition, I was more than happy to oblige. Such was the case in January 1993.
"Pat, have you ever been approached by Bill Gates to write a personal ad for him?" Watson asked me that day.
"I wish! No, he hasn't contacted me," I said. "I did have a client who wa appproached by Paul Allen after he read the ad I wrote for her."
"Fine, fine. I'm going to feature
Gates again in my column. I want you
to write an ad for him; ficticious, of course. Can you do that
for me?
I need it today."
"Sure. I'm already at my keyboard. How soon do you want it?".
"I'll call you back in an hour."
It's a good thing I'm used to working on
deadlines and under pressure.
Write a romantic personal ad for Bill Gates, one of the richest
men in the world? In an hour? Because Emmet Watson asked me to?
You betcha!
Right on time, he called again and asked
me to dictate to him what I had
written. Here's what I read to him:
WINDOWS AND TOMES may calm my head bones, but software will excite me. Local PC expert in the mood for monogamy with talented woman turned on by blue eyes and blue chips. I'm at home on a disco dance floor or a boardroom.
I'm a workaholic who
is more comfortable in Seattle grunge than Armani
wools. My ideal will whisper sweet words of scrolling and mice;
we will
run macros and load documents, explore the facts of formatting.
My place needs the compassion
of one who knows that a motherboard is
not meant for surfing. She longs for quiet evenings in front
of a fireplace clipping coupons. I offer unbounded affluence
and gold cards to Ms. Right.
On January 24, 1993, that ad appeared in
WAtson's Seattle Times column.
About two weeks later Bill Gates asked Melinda French to marry
him.
They were at a Sonics basketball game where he had arranged to
have his
proposal shown on local TV.
So, there you have it, readers. The late,
great Emmet Watson and I
secretly took credit for an extremely happy ending for Mr. and
Mrs. Bill
Gates. They have yet to thank me.
©2008 by Patricia J. Geister. The illustration is a staff artist's remake of a Time Magazine illustration. This column first posted July 21, 2008.
TO ACCESS PATRICIA J. GEISTER'S ARCHIVE
OF COLUMNS ON THIS SITE, CLICK HERE: GEISTER
ARCHIVE.
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can comment on this column online. Please address your message
to either "The Editors" or Patricia J. Geister. To
send an email, click here and don't forget to mention PAtricia's
name: talkback@thecolumnists.com
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