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When You Are Stuck In A Toilet And Somebody Is About To Flush
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He's not in debtor's prison
and still owns house & car
of TheColumnists.com
Ah, there is good news tonight.
For one thing, I have not lost my job. I am retired. (though maybe if you know of something I could do for a few bucks, give me a call.)
For another thing, my house has not been foreclosed. I paid off the mortgage some years back (though I am thinking about a reverse mortgage to meet a few bills).
Another thing. My car has not been repossessed. (I was considering replacing my 11-year-old buggy but after a wash-and-wax, I decided that, except for a few scratches (gashes, actually), she looks as good as new.
My skin doctor told me that the big pimple that sprouted on my hand was not cancer, (though he shuddered to look at it and told me the hand might have to go, just for cosmetic sake.)
My son got married in August. ( Lovely girl who is employed.)
I was able to take my wife out to McDonald’s for our anniversary dinner and how about those dollar meals!!!!
And there are lots of things to capture my interest in these days of hysterical headlines. For example it looks like my boy Barack has a chance at the prize, something I did not expect when he admitted on CNN that he was black, or half black, which also means he is half white. (It depends on how you tell the American public.)
Meantime, the news is that Sarah Palin is highly popular with the Republican base! (I consider this good news because this seems to verify that the Republican base makes decisions that are thoroughly baseless. Next thing you know the Evangelical base of the Republican base will form its own nation, thereby saving us from the insanity of future elections like this one.).
It has been discovered (by some Republicans) that Congress is anti-American, which I have long suspected. (Now we have to discover what country they are pro). So, it appears that Congress and Iran have lots in common, making nuclear war unnecessary. (Meanwhile Russia is promising to pull its troops out of Georgia, which makes the people of Alabama nervous. )
I realize that my good news is not everybody’s. Some people insist on worrying. Bill Maher has begun to pray. Wolf Blitzer is looking for another job, but Fox won’t hire a Wolf. Sarah Palin says she needs a few things at Tiffany’s for her kids/
Sarah Palin’s husband says that though he is campaigning to pull Alaska out of the Union, he is not un-American. Actually, I am with him on this plan. How can I get California out of the Union?
My income tax this year will be simple. What is 25 per cent of nothing?
I always felt that, as a journalist, I missed one of the biggest stories of the century (last century.) That was the Depression. Now, luckily, we will all get to live it again.
Yes, there is good news tonight. And by the way, where is Gabriel Heatter when we need a man of optimism. My anti-depressants are running low.
©2008 by Murry Frymer. The Murry Frymer caricature is ©2000 by Jim Hummel. The cartoon is from IMSI's Master Clips Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd. E., San Rafael, CA, 94901-5506, USA. This column first posted Oct. 27, 2008.
TO ACCESS MURRY FRYMER'S ARCHIVE OF COLUMNS ON THIS SITE, CLICK HERE: FRYMER ARCHIVE
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