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CALLING SIGNALS |
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 MITT ROMNEY ...on the campaign trail |
to do when he's President
of TheColumnists.com
The stretch, the pitch for Mitt Romney:
Ich bin mit Romney.
That’s German for: I’m with Romney.
Indeed I am. So are plenty of other voters following his presidential run.
The man with the baseball-glove first name needs something catchy if he hopes to grab the masses.
Something like Eisenhower’s “I like Ike,” his ticket to the White House in 1952.
And JFK’s “Ich bin ein Berliner”--which really meant I’m fighting for freedom with you--made Germans swoon in 1963.
Mix the two, and you have the international double play:
Ich bin mit Romney.
Some could interpret that to mean: I am Mitt Romney. Which could work. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be a near billionaire, tall, fit, striking--with a babe wife?
Shortcomings? OK, he’s an admitted sports clod. Can’t lap Mike Huckabee, who lost 100 pounds by running marathons. Can’t outshoot Barack Obama, who showed his basketball prowess in Sports Illustrated.
Still, Romney flashes gold mettle. He turned the 2002 Winter Olympics into a winner. He made millions betting on Staples years before the Lakers jammed that firm’s arena. He was governor of Massachusetts when the Red Sox stuck the Yankees with their pennant series shock in 2004.
And as he sprints through the Republican
primaries, he piles up medals:
gold in Wyoming, Michigan and Nevada, silver in Iowa and New
Hampshire.
If Romney strikes it big at the GOP convention and in November’s election, he’ll need more than a slogan. He’ll be reaching for a policy lineup. How about this:
* Play with Cuba.
Fidel Castro was once a nifty lefty pitcher before he turned
the whole country leftward. That turns off enough Americans to
keep us from dealing with the island. All the while, the Cubans
keep fielding stud baseball players. We want to see them. Cut
through the Red tape and open the gate. If President Romney needs
an excuse, blame it on the national pastime.
* Quit the moping
over doping. Legalize the stuff already. Why? It’s the only
way to get sports talk radio to quit boring us to death with
its endless loop: Bonds, Clemens, Bonds, Clemens. Please, put
us out of our misery and just say yes. As Olympic CEO six years
ago, Romney oversaw speed skaters and cross-country skiers who
no doubt juiced up to boost their pace. Quit the charade that
we’re sick of their habit. What we’re sick of is the
endless chatter about it.
* Chinese checkers. Speaking of the Olympics, Peking will house them this year. Perfect time for Romney to get China in the game--the war on terror game, to be exact. The Chinese could pole-vault southwest into bin Laden country, nab the scum and win America’s top medal: endless thanks.
* Mideast peace. Talk about a contradiction in terms. And yet if Romney could steer the Salt Lake City Olympics from crooked to straight, he could pull off a Miracle On Sand. Set up the Mecca Games. Let the Arabs and Jews battle it out on the soccer field, tennis court, wrestling mat, boxing canvas. Hand out gold, silver, bronze, shake hands, Games over, killing done.
Then the whole world would say:
Ich bin mit Romney.
©2007 by Bucky Fox. This column first posted Jan. 21, 2007.
You can visit Bucky Fox's website at www.BuckyFox.com
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